Scorpius Malfoy vs TrickorTreaters!
by QuickQuotesQuill07
Summary: What would ensue when Scorpius Malfoy, pureblood extraordinaire, experiences his first muggle Halloween in London? Hilarity, of course! Rose/Scorpius oneshot.


**Disclaimer: **I usually recycle characters from my other stories, so those you recognize are JK Rowlings and those you don't (or maybe you **DO** recognize them yet know that they're mine) would be created by yours truly! Oh, and I absolutely make no profit from writing these stories, other than pure, unadulterated fun.

So I got this idea that since not once in the books did the Hogwarts students ever dress up in costumes to celebrate Halloween, Jo Rowling may be implying that it's an event muggles concocted. Throw a pureblood in the mix and watch the humor ensue!

**SPOILER WARNING: **Some events mentioned here may or may not work their way into **The New Trio** series. So, you know, a little heads up.

Oh, and in case you haven't noticed, Remy would be Teddy and Victoire's son, Ava, Artie and Gwen's daughter. And extra brownie points if you recognize where I got the quote, "You know it's love when you start talking like an assassin."

* * *

**Scorpius Malfoy vs. Trick-or-Treaters!**

"You're sure about this, love?"

"Hello, muggleborn mum, remember?"

"Oh. Right," replied nineteen year old Scorpius Malfoy as he used his wand to levitate Halloween decorations around the flat he shared with his girlfriend for Merlin-knows-how-long, Rose Weasley.

"The convenient thing about being a witch and wizard living in muggle London is that our work clothes can double as costumes, come October 31st," said Rose, peeking her head out of the kitchen.

Scorpius stared down at his Auror robes and couldn't help but agree. After hanging up the last of the orange, pumpkin-shaped fairy lights, he headed into the kitchen where the delectable scent of food assaulted his senses.

"You sure you don't need my help?" Scorpius asked, taking a seat by the dining room table and eyeing the casserole.

"For the last time, I've got it handled," replied Rose, taking her eyes off the boiling pot before her to glance at him. "And wipe that smirk off your face," she added.

Chuckling, Scorpius answered, "I just can't believe _I_ had to teach you how to cook. Leave it to Rose Weasley to excel at everything else except for one of life's bare essentials."

"Hush, you," retorted Rose; turning back to the pot she had been stirring to add a bag of macaroni, "How'd you get so good at it anyway? Your time spent with Lucius' house elves finally paying off?"

"There's that, and the fact that I've been helping your grandmother in the kitchen since the summer after sixth year while you had your nose in a book the whole time," he boasted.

"You know it couldn't be helped. That was my classical literature phase."

"I can kick Mr. Darcy's arse at his own game any day. That and I pride myself for having better sideburns than he does."

Scorpius had made his way over to her, snaking his arms around her waist and nuzzling her neck. He smirked when he felt her involuntarily shiver.

"A fact I'm well aware of," Rose managed to breathe out.

Scorpius pecked her on the cheek and took his place by the stove as well. "Are we expecting anyone today?"

"No," replied Rose, "everyone had their own plans."

"Everyone?"

"Everyone."

"No one at all?"

"Not one."

"Al and Artemis?" ventured Scorpius.

"He's taking her someplace fancy," laughed Rose, "according to him it's his '_first, clear shot at her_.'"

Scorpius chuckled along, "And you know what I say, '_You know it's love_—"

"—_when you start talking like an assassin._' Yeah, yeah. You and I both know you stole that line from the telly," she interrupted. "You know that show was on the air when we were about two, right? I honestly never took you as a sucker for decades old teen dramas," teased Rose.

Scorpius held his hands up in defense. "Guilty pleasure," he replied sheepishly. "How about Teddy and Victoire?" he continued.

"They're off to Uncle Harry's place. He promised to take little Remy trick or treating around Godric's Hollow,"

"Just like the little midgets," – he ignored Rose's swat on his arm as he listened intently for the sound of approaching children – "that should be turning up anytime soon."

"How about Artie and Gwen?" continued Scorpius.

"Teddy says they're taking Ava to France by Portkey," explained Rose, "Left Remy a little bit disappointed, but if anyone can cheer him back up, it'd be Uncle Harry."

"James?"

Rose rolled her eyes, "Still in cougar-land, dating up a storm. The idiot won't find a serious relationship if he keeps going out with 40-something divorcees suffering from mid-life crises."

"Maybe he's not after anything like that right now," supplied Scorpius, "no strings attached and all that. So…Matthias and Lily?"

"Are at Hogwarts," Rose replied, looking at him as if he'd just asked if the sky was blue, "and last I heard from Lils, she said they'd be skipping the Halloween feast to work on 'The List'."

Scorpius turned to look at her so fast he got a crick in his neck, "You mean '_The_ List'?"

Rose wiggled her eyebrows at him, "Is there any other list of theirs that you're aware of?"

Scorpius shook his head, "Those two never cease to amaze me. Since they worked out their deeply obvious feelings for each other, they've been going at it like rabbits all over the castle."

"But they've never been caught," Rose supplied, and Scorpius could swear he heard a hint of admiration in her voice, "I guess that's why they were made Heads this term."

"Which probably means that we should send a discreet letter to next year's Head Boy and Girl warning them about love stains on their beds," finished Scorpius cheekily.

"And the common room couch."

"And the hearthrug."

"And we mustn't forget the bathtub."

"There's also the table in the prefects meeting room."

"That was us."

"All the same," shrugged Scorpius.

Both of them dissolved into fits of laughter over the hilarity of the younger couple's randiness.

Scorpius recovered first, "I'm surprised they weren't done with 'The List' sooner."

Rose snorted, "Who says they aren't? This is 'List Number Two' we're talking about."

"Merlin's saggy left—" Scorpius was spared from finishing the statement, when the doorbell rang.

Rose waved her wand at the stove, turning down the heat, while she and Scorpius made to answer the door.

A chorus of "Trick or Treat!" assaulted their ears when the door swung open. As Rose greeted the children cheerily and started admiring their costumes, Scorpius' brow furrowed.

"Are you a…bear?" he asked a child dressed in a snarling mask, furry suit and torn clothes.

"I'm a werewolf," answered the boy proudly.

"But werewolves have—" was all he could manage before Rose swooped in and gave the child a piece of caramel. The boy thanked her heartily and ran off down the street.

Instead, he settled with yelling after the boy, "Oi! That's really insulting, you know! I've got a half-werewolf cousin who, I'm sure, wouldn't appreciate your—"

The world seemed to move in slow motion for Rose. Reacting quickly, she threw a handful of candies over the kids' heads, where she heard a small squabble to get their hands on the tasty treats. Next order of business was to silence Scorpius, which she successfully did. By snogging him.

The children remaining by the door let out high pitched screams of horror and bolted off as far as their short legs could carry them.

When all the children were gone, Rose detached herself from the blonde, who was starting to get really into it, and shut the door abruptly.

"Not that I'm complaining or anything, but what was that for?" asked Scorpius, with the slightly dazed, content expression on his face that she came to associate with their post-snogging sessions.

"Scorpius, we don't celebrate Halloween like muggles do," was her simple reply.

He gave her a look as if to say, "What the bloody sodding hell are you talking about?"

"Meaning that chances are, those were muggle kids who were at our door," she had begun pacing, which he came to associate with when she started off on long-winded explanations. "Granted that some of them could turn out to be muggleborn wizards, but who knows? If you went any further, you'd have been toeing the line of breaching the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy."

"So what? It'd have been a minor offense," countered Scorpius, brushing it off.

"Yeah?" said Rose, putting her hands on her hips and facing him, "Do you happen to know who has to handle these minor offenses over at the Wizengamot Administration Services?"

A look of realization came over Scorpius' face. He answered sheepishly, "You."

"It'd be awkward wouldn't it, coming home to a flat where I live with the same person I'd be prosecuting? Not to mention the fact that you're an Auror fresh out of training."

"C'mon, lighten up!" attempted Scorpius, sidling closer to her and flinging an arm on her shoulders comfortingly, "Besides, they won't even let you near the case once they find out we're shagging!"

This broke Rose out of her annoyance, forcing her into peals of laughter. She collapsed on the couch nearby, giggling madly. Scorpius took a spot next to her and pecked her on the forehead.

"Glad to see that I can still work my charm on you."

She tried to give him a disapproving look, but failed miserably, seeing as it only made the smirk on his face grow. Giving up, Rose decided to check on things in the kitchen.

"Any word on how Hugo's doing?" asked Scorpius when she came back with two mugs of tea.

"He wrote mum a few days ago. Says he got dumped by that girl he was seeing."

"You mean Margaret?" asked Scorpius, receiving one of the mugs from her.

Rose swallowed the scalding hot tea she sipped and answered, "No—wait, who's Margaret? That girl he was with in Diagon Alley was Francine."

Scorpius gave her a doubting look and answered, "I could've sworn her name was Margaret."

"Well it's Francine. It's a shame," Rose ventured, staring into her tea, "they seemed like such a nice couple."

"They did," agreed Scorpius, "and her name is Margaret. I'd put my entire Gringotts account at stake with the evidence that I honestly heard Hugo call her Margaret."

"Well she introduced herself to me as Francine."

They sat in silence for a while, Rose staring at him as if waiting for another rebuttal.

"Maybe getting her name mixed up is why she dumped him," was all he simply said.

Rose considered it silently, before putting her face in her palms and disappointedly sighing, "Oh, Hugo."

At that moment, the doorbell rang once again.

Rose eyed him cautiously before saying, "Alright, come with me. Just watch how I deal with them."

After throwing the door open and hearing the customary, "Trick or Treat!" Rose had plastered a smile on her face and had complimented each child in the effort he or she put into the costume. One particular toddler who was dressed as some form of muggle hero or other was very taken by Rose. He had started enthusiastically punching and kicking the air near him in an effort to further impress the friendly lady.

When she had satisfied each child with sweets, she shut the door and turned to look at Scorpius. He was staring back with a blank expression on his face.

"Yes?" asked Rose innocently.

"Why'd she have a wand? Was that girl supposed to be a witch or a fairy?"

Rose laughed, "She was a fairy princess."

"Well that doesn't make sense, since a fairy would have better luck at out-flying an Augurey than learn how to speak or have some sort of royalty!"

"Scorp, they're muggles!" said Rose as if this statement solved everything.

Scorpius groaned in frustration. Any reply he would have given was interrupted when the doorbell chimed again.

"Alright, you try it this time," said Rose, thrusting the bowl of candy into his arms, "and remember: Think muggle."

Scorpius was chanting the phrase to himself as he wrenched the door open and met the sight before him.

Rose couldn't help but giggle when the loud yet completely expected outcry of "Trick or Treat!" made the blonde man jump at least a foot into the air.

"Er, um, yes…hi," he began lamely.

To his credit, however, he was able to identify most of the children dressed up as cartoon characters all thanks to Scorpius' favorite muggle pastime: television. Soon enough, he loosened up around the arriving and departing muggle children and seemed to have a few young girls quite enamored with him. Before she knew it, Scorpius had started beating her to the candy bowl to welcome the wandering children.

Rose thought it safe for her to return to the kitchen and finish cooking their Halloween dinner. Judging by the grateful noises of arriving and departing children, Scorpius had everything under control. For the record, he did. It's just that a pureblood wizard can only take so much of muggle ignorance to the society he himself is familiar with.

Unfortunately, the time Rose decided to call him into the kitchen for dinner was about the same time his will broke.

Rose opened her mouth but all thoughts were wiped from her mind when she heard Scorpius' current discussion with a little girl.

"You're not a witch, you're a hag."

Upon closer inspection of the child, she was, in fact, dressed in a black dress, pointy hat, green face paint with fake warts and fingernails. Very Wicked Witch of the West.

"I'm a witch. My mum said so. She made this costume."

"That's not how a witch looks," said Scorpius in a voice expressing how he was at his wit's end, "you're a hag."

"Witch."

"Hag."

"Witch!" said the little girl, stomping her foot, her temper starting to flair. She glared at the man, as if daring him to contradict her. He stared back silently, then:

"Hag."

"MUMMY!" yelled the child, darting away from their doorway down the street. Scorpius shut the door and turned, only to come face to face with Rose.

"Scorpius!" she protested indignantly.

He stared back, puzzled, then, "Don't muggles know the diff—"

"NO!"

The little color in his face drained even further. "Oh no, oh no, oh no," he muttered to himself, leaping over their couch and bolting toward the little balcony of their flat. He had his wand out and, as if on cue, the little girl had exited their building and had made a beeline for her mother. Scorpius took his shot.

"_Confundo_!"

The little girl stopped in her tracks briefly. Then, as if nothing in the past few seconds were even remotely upsetting, she skipped happily toward her mother, boasting about the amount of sweets she had accumulated.

The moment Scorpius re-entered the flat and shut the door, he let out a long, relieved groan and plopped himself down on the closest armchair.

Rose wordlessly took a seat on the armrest and began playing with his hair. "I'm sorry," she offered.

Scorpius rested his head on the back of the chair, his eyes closed, "You've got nothing to be sorry for. I should've known better than to take a little girl's costume seriously."

"Don't beat yourself up over it, Scorp," Rose continued, still sensing the glumness from her blonde companion, "it was your first muggle Halloween, after all. It could've gone smoothly as opposed to you having a row with a six year old girl over her costume – "

"Are you going anywhere with this?" interrupted Scorpius, his eyebrows furrowed as he opened his eyes to look at her.

Rose stifled a grin, " – but the important this is that we spent it together."

Scorpius gave a small smile, snaking his arm around her waist, "Really?"

She leaned her forehead against his. "Mishaps and all," Rose whispered.

Scorpius seemed convinced, his mood lightening up considerably before giving her a quick peck on the lips.

"Now come on, dinner's getting cold!" Rose exclaimed, taking his hand and pulling him up from the chair.

Scorpius followed her into the kitchen. "Today wasn't a total loss," he shared, "a few years from now, we could be telling this story to _our_ kids."

* * *

**Of course you can count on me to post a Halloween themed story 45 minutes before November 1. Leave a review and, of course, Happy Halloween!**


End file.
